Anxiety

Anxiety is something you will have heard of a lot of people having. For some it's worse then other's. I never used to be a person who really struggled with it. Over the last few month's i've found that it's become more of a challenge for me. People's minds and bodies are always changing, and as things get more stressful, anxiety can become an issue.

There's lots of different types of anxiety and symptoms. For myself i tend to get really nervous and feel really sick to my stomach. I also am unable to focus on any current task's. The annoying part for me is that sometimes i don't even know what it is that triggers my anxiety. It could be something that i didn't think i was worried about, but i really am.

I've really been working at ways to help prevent and stop my anxiety from happening. But sometime's i can't prevent it, especially if i don't know what caused it. Relaxation is a big way to treat anxiety but when i get in this state, i find the best way to stop it is to start going through all the possible things that could be causing it and work through them.

This morning when i woke up, i could tell i was feeling off. I just couldn't figure out why. Even on my way to work my stomach started turning and i started getting really anxious. I do have a lot going on lately so there is quite a bit of stress that could be causing this. I guess it's time to break down everything and hope that analyzing it all will calm my nerves.

So for starters, i feel like this week has already gotten away from me. I know it's only Tuesday, but i planned on taking Bella for a walk Wednesday since it's going to be so nice out, i have to get the food to make dinner at Shannan's on Thursday for her birthday, i also have to make sure i get Tyler's present ready for the weekend to give to him for his birthday. Not to mention i wanted to get done Bella's decorations this week for her party so that i could focus on the rest of the planning next week. This weekend Bella is also coming with me to Three Hills to meet Hotrod for the first time. So i guess I'm a bit nervous about that. I know it'll be okay but maybe its just my inner pom mom that's worried. Bella sometime's has issues meeting other dog's and it makes me a bit uneasy. With the busy week, and the weekend going to be here before i know it, that could be the start of this anxiety.

On another note, i'm always financially stressed out. No one likes having debt, but it's a part of life and just can't be avoided. I know I've been doing good with keeping up with my bills and building my savings, which i am proud of, but it also takes a lot of planning and stress to get there. You can't always plan what life is going to throw at you, so i try my very best to be prepared for what comes. I find that the struggle for me is with the little money i make, I'm able to cover my bills but i always have to decide if i wanna put a little into savings, or a little onto my Visa's. With having it be such little amounts back and forth it feel's almost like i get nowhere. It hasn't been until just recently that i can see my savings getting to a really good point by the end of April.

I have a goal in mind that i want my savings to be at, and I'm so close! But to get there quickly i would have to put all my attention to my savings and it would still take a few month's to make that happen. I'm so motivated to get to my savings goal since it's in reach, but in the back of my mind i have these big amounts on my Visa's to pay off. My thought in question is should i be pushing for my savings, or should i be happy with what i have right now, and really start pushing for my debt. I keep going back and forth in a constant debate on which i should go for. Just when i think I've decided, life throws a curve ball and makes me rethink my decision. Matt's truck was recently broken into and he lost a lot of stuff. It also made him really scared. We got his truck in for a car starter and alarm. He does really struggle with his finances and i know he couldn't afford the protection he needed so i offered to help pay. I don't regret helping him for one second because i know that he would do the same for me. Just stepping up to do that, while i was pushing for my savings makes me worry about my Visa's getting higher and if i should switch to focusing on them.

Me and Nicole recently started doing bullet journals. It really does relax my mind and keep everything organized. It's the dream planner that fits your life because you customize it to fit you! I think my next bullet journal task will be to make a financial planning page. I need to lay out my debt and goals and hope that helps me figure out what to do next. Or you know, if i wont the lottery, that'd be a big help too ;)

I guess another thing that sort of links to my finances is Bella's surgery. I know it's coming but i just don't know when. I'm supposed to take her in for another exam after shes a year old. Which is in 2 weeks. I'm happy that Bella's a year and can't wait to celebrate, but in the back of my mind i know that it just means it get's more real about the surgery. Even though she isn't limping anymore from the luxating patella, i notice lately she's been walking funny and i worry about her hips. I know last time we got her checked they said her hips were very good and there were no signs of issues, but they said the same thing about her leg joints the fist time. It all happened so quickly. I think this is also why i have so much added financial pressure on myself because i know whenever we do have to get this surgery that it will be very costly. And if i don't really save and work and my current debt that i'll be feeling way worse when it comes time to pay that bill. But no matter the price, i would find a way to get it done. I only want the very best for my fur baby and will ensure i keep to that always. I guess the first step is after her birthday taking her for another exam and see how things are. I also need to find out more information about our timeline for getting her the surgery. I think i need to stop worrying about the whole thing, and focus on the little tasks that come first.

Bella's party will be really great! And i'm so excited to have everyone celebrate with us! Bella basically is my child and i plan on having a full out birthday party for her. It feel like yesterday i was brainstorming for this and had lots of time to get it done. Now here we are with it being 2 weekends away and i feel like I've got nothing accomplished. I don't want to leave it all to the last week but do i really have time this week or next? Probably not. I really need to come up with a menu for the party. I have the decorations mainly, but i have to put a lot together. Plus i still need to come up with a cake plan. I know it sounds crazy putting so much effort into a dog party, but she's such a big part of my life. When someone is so important to you, you'll want to do everything you can for them. I don't care that she's a dog, she's more then that to me and this party as silly as it seems, is really important to me too. 

Well that's my personal life at the moment. Work is a different story. For the longest time i actually looked forward to going to work. I knew it wouldn't be stressful and that my workload would be okay. As of last week that all changed. My boss goes through phases where he has to change everything. Usually its the pricing of our products, which he did do. But the next big thing he decided to change was the staff positions. I really tried to keep my head down and avoid all the chaos. I really thought the staff change wouldn't involve me. But i was wrong. I'm now expected to take on 2 positions. Someone was supposed to be hired for this second position i took on, but so far i haven't seen any sign of that happening.It's a struggle to keep up with all the work. My only hope is we get another person to help me, and soon.

Well here's to hoping i can make it through all this. Just got to keep pushing.