Forever Sleepy

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

I can't say that i really celebrate this day a lot. I don't think I've ever gone out and had drinks or even remember to wear green. If i do, it's usually by accident. I think the only time i put effort into wearing green was in elementary because if you didn't you'd be pinched. Also they usually had donut days which were always amazing!

The main reason I'm really happy today is because it's Friday! What a long week it's been. Dealing with the time change and losing an hour was the challenge at the beginning of the week. Then on Tuesday i had that really bad anxiety. Wednesday wasn't much better because i started getting really bad chest pains which resulted in me being sent home. Sometime's it takes things like that to give me that push to take better care of my health. Sometimes we get so busy that we push stuff aside until something bad happens.

I've got a doctors appointment on Monday to hopefully get some answers. I think my biggest problem is how exhausted i am all the time. I'm anemic so i lack Iron in my body. A few months ago i had my levels checked and they were okay, but i was still so exhausted. Tyler convinced me to buy some of my herbal iron to try and help. I've actually been really good about taking it everyday. I'm on the second bottle and feel more exhausted then ever. My mom mentioned that Thyroid problems run in our family so that could be a cause. So we shall see. I just know that involves going for more blood work which i absolutely hate. I've never been one for needles.

It's so hard to explain how i feel sometimes. All my life I've struggled with having a normal amount of energy. It was in grade 2 that i was falling asleep in class so they had me tested and found out i was anemic just like my mom. I remember trying to take all sorts of iron supplements, even straight liquid iron at one point. But my body has a hard time absorbing it so it was basically useless. The herbal iron i take now work's the best i guess you could say. But i find myself getting frustrated with it because A) its really expensive and B) i can't seem to notice a difference right now. Since i can't tell any increase in energy, I'm wondering if there is something else wrong.

No matter how much sleep i get, i always wake up feeling like i haven't slept in days. I can't remember the last time i woke up feeling well rested. It's so difficult trying to get through the day when i'm so tired that my eyes hurt. Right now it's to the point that if i don't actually shut my eyes for a few minutes every couple hours, i can't make it through the day. By 8pm I'm always dragging my butt and fighting to stay awake till at least 9. When I'm visiting friends or staying over at someone else's house and say i have to leave at 9 or need to go to sleep really early, they don't seem to quite understand why. I always tell them how it's probably my iron or something but unless they knew exactly how hard it is, i don't think anyone will quite understand. Unless someone stayed up for a few days then tried to function normally, they won't be on my level on exhaustion.

Being so exhausted also makes it tough on my mood. Most people feel irritated and cranky when they haven't gotten enough sleep. Well, try having that on a daily basis and finding a way to smile. It's really difficult and sometimes it really does get the better of me. It's hard to want to be excited and full of laughter and smiles when all i can think of doing is sleeping. I always wondered just how long i would sleep for if i didn't have to get up. I feel like i never would wake up. Even on weekends i force myself to get up so i can still have a full day. I don't want to spend my life sleeping.

My hope is that one day, ill be able to have a higher energy level. I'm not going to say normal energy, because i don't think that'll ever be an option for me. But i just want enough energy so i can enjoy my day's more and not constantly be counting the time till i can sleep, As much as i don't like hearing bad news from the doctor, I'm hoping there is something. Because then that means i can work towards a solution instead of being forever hopeless and tired.