Feeling...Purple?

Hidden Smile

Ever feel like you just wanna break down and cry? I hate that feeling. Feel's like something is weighing you down and you want to just give in to it. The struggles we face in life, are challenges that make us stronger. But it doesn't mean they don't take its toll on you first. 

Being strong is a matter of taking care of yourself. Having the strength to acknowledge that pain your going through. The hardest part is to put on a smile, push forward and know that tomorrow will be better. But there is always that fear that tomorrow won't be better and that hope of not experiencing this pain anymore, disappears. I know that sounds like negative thinking, but when you've cried as much as i have, you tend to get that way. You can only stay positive for so long.

When you cry the same tears over and over, you feel like the next time it happens, you'll be stronger and you wont have any tears left to shed. Wrong. If anything it hurts worse. Each tear that falls, is like another stab to the heart. My eyes, my emotions, and my heart are exhausted. When will they get a break is the real question. It's days like today when i can feel it all catching up with me and really trying to bring me down.

"Just because I'm used to it, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt anymore."

I've always wished that i could be stronger in hiding my emotions. My whole life it's been a challenge but i need to realize that's just who i am. My tears aren't a sign of weakness. They're a sign of strength in showing my pain to others. My strength comes from getting back up and continuing the battle after the tears. That's what being strong is to me. And if shedding tears along the way in my battles is what gets me to overcome them, then i will gladly accept that.

In the past I've been a person who would give up and back out when things got tough. I would give an effort but and any signs of tough situations ahead, i would just back off and opt out. I've grown a lot from being that person. Now i feel like if i don't give it my all, it wasn't worth the pain. I'm still human and i still struggle, but for me i need to be able to question myself and say, did i give it my all?

I'm such a strong believer in everything happens for a reason. So i know that in some way, these battles and challenges, were meant to happen. I'm meant to fight them and learn from them. If it wasn't for my challenges in the past, i wouldn't be where i am now. I'll admit there are a lot of things in the past that even though i overcame those obstacles, i'm still haunted by the pain it caused. Will i ever truly let go of that pain? Maybe, maybe not. But all i can do is try.

You can't erase a scar. You can only accept it as being what makes you who you are. You were strong enough to move on from what caused that pain even though the memory may never leave you.

So where do i go from here? I try my hardest to continue to give it my all and not let these battle scars keep me down. God has me on this path for a reason. 

My job is to give it everything i have. 

Xoxo - Sara

Thoughts

If there were one thing I could give myself as a trait, it would be to be a stronger person. When something has me down, I show all emotions. My emotions are not something I can easily hide. Wearing my heart on my sleeve is an understatement. I've always been such an emotional person that I wish I had the strength to keep the tears down low and put on a happy face. It feels like more and more I'm having to be faced with that challenge. It feels like I haven't even had a full month without tears. At what point does it reach when you can't try to hide the pain anymore? Each small thing that causes that pain, is just working towards a bigger heart ache. I wish I could suppress all the tears, be strong and just say, I'm not okay. How can someone be okay when the new norm is to anticipate the next hard time. When it comes to strength, I'm a fighter. I will fight to keep the things that matter most. I will fight to make it through the hard times. But at some point I won't be able to fight anymore. My heart can only take so much. But when will my heart get a break? For now we put on a smile, move past the struggle, and wait for the next battle.

Valentine's Day

Let me start by saying Happy Valentine's Day!

I'm lucky enough to have an amazing guy by my side to think about on this crazy day.

Even though i can't physically be with him today, he will be constantly on my mind. Like he usually is. Valentines Day is one of those goofy Hallmark holidays that people go a bit crazy over. I think everyday should be a day to celebrate the ones you love. But sometime's its nice to take part in the craziness and go along for the ride.

This picture was taken in the fall at Lake Minnewanka. That's one of my favorite memories that i have. Just sitting on a log by the huge lake just relaxing and soaking it all in. This weekend were going out that way again, and i know we will get some more incredible memories.

No matter the ups and downs, at the end of the day he has my heart and i wouldn't have it any other way <3 Happy Valentine's Day my dear! Love you very much!

Xoxo - Sara

Wednesday Thoughts

So, it's Wednesday. The weather is crappy, and i'm fighting off a cold. Luckily i think i'm winning that battle.

All day I've been brain storming new ideas for Bela Treasures. I've come so far with that and i just know i have to keep pushing. Everyone always ask's me if I've made any sales yet. But no i have not. But that doesn't get me discouraged at all. I know that patience is a virtue and good things will come in time. I just know i'm headed in the right direction.

Lately a big positive is I've been getting so many blog views. Which it may not seem like much, but it means people are seeing my creations. It's a big step in getting the promoting in the right direction. 

Other thought's today, i stumbled across a really cute puppy ad! (I know i shouldn't be searching puppies...but i get bored) This ad was for the cutest looking Pomeranian! (Bella is still #1) This person was selling this puppy for $700! I know that seems like a lot, but that's seriously cheap! Especially with how the fur pattern was for this pom! I looked like a super tiny Husky! And now a day's you'd be lucky to get a dog for under $1000. This ad did have over 2000 views. So chances of the dog being available are slim to none. Not to mention would my parent's approve of another dog? Probably not... But i'd hate to miss an opportunity just because it seemed too good to be true. I mean you never know! Some things that are too good to be true, are meant to be.

XoXo - Sara